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x September 2006
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x March 2007
x April 2007
x May 2007
x June 2007
x July 2007
x August 2007
x September 2007

ARE PLAIN SILLY!

Maybe he's trying to make me forget him. oh wells, thanks a lot then.

i still enjoy it.
(:

The End..

I'm gonna drink my ass off later. (x Good Luck.


If anyone of you can think of a place for me to sleep, whereby i can avoid everything and do whatever i like in there, pls tell mee. Of course, including the avoidance of rain or shine. Thanks alot.

Am I so unworthy of everything? Am i worthless to everyone?

i feel so unloved.

How to be happy, when I've lost a part of me?





i knew it, something bad happened, more than one. My sixth sense never fails me.

hey there, I'm back. (:

It just sucks when I'm not rich. Rich in the sense of having able to buy ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that catches my eye and attracts me. Having able to eat and dine at any place which i have craving for. I'm never gonna get this rich i suppose.

If I were to start working, I get like only half of what my salary pays, cause i needa return the amount which was loaned from CPF for my poly education. And they are already sending letters to ask for the money. HAHAHA, government, what do you expect? They're the fastest when it comes to money.

And after repayment to CPF, i needa give my parents money, my godparents.. bla bla. Pay bills, etc etc. HA! Gone!

Even when i'm done with the payment to CPF, i'd probably have, the thought at least, to settle down. So it goes to marriage. And then kids. sighs.

Maybe it's just fate that I'm not born in those family whereby when the kids asks for money, it'll be few hundred dollars given to them, without any hesitation. I'd be questioned even if i were to just ask for 10 bucks. hahaha, I don't blame my mom. Cause she isn't working.
Speaking of money, i've asked my mom, "why do you let him collect half of the customers' payment every month? Why don't you be in charge of all the payments and you control the financial part?"

She answered, " Cause he is the one who works all the way from the evening till morning 4am. How can i be the one who collects all the money?"

I didnt say not to give him a cent, right?*shrugs

Human ego bahx.. If I were him I'll ask myself, "I work so hard every night, but i don't even get to have my own control of my own blood and sweat money?" Yeah. So No choice.

SO listen there, those who have parents who gives you money like no one's business, cherish the present, treasure every cent well, even better, donate some to me. (x

What was i talking about? OH YA, Vivo City. HAHAHA. Had the famous Donut thingy. Tell you, Not trying to be too blunt, but the donuts my mom buys from the market in the morning taste better. (: I bought three, two are left on my living room's table now. Anyone wants? Cause it doesnt seem like anyone in my house is interested (We're all donut lovers btw).

We shopped ard. Ting bought alotta things. tsktsk, TING! REM YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO SAVE UP FOR YOUR TRIP?? Dont spend money like water ya?
Trip, I was supposed to go on a trip with my Godma on Good Friday, for three days. Supposedly. But because i have school on Saturday and, i considered and got back to her a lil too late, the bus is already full, the whatever grassland bus, they call it. Sighs.

Why do i have school on Saturdays, SPOILER. HURR!

And ya, i'm starting school in 3 days' time. ROARS!!


Why am i given a weird feeling? And sensing that something bad is gonna come by. Darn it!

i just scalded my finger while trying to make some eggs for my LUNCH. hahas. But feeling better after rinsing and rubbing it. (:

I was all dressed up, ready to set off, despite the catty and doggy rain. Then i was thinking, why i din get any message to confirm whether i am feeling okay to go to work today. So i contacted em up, hahaha, and realized that i am actually not needed today already. Luckily i called, if not i'd get that "OMG, what are you doing here? Actually, we have enough people today already." HAHA. ignore my cornyness. I can't really articulate my words well, i can't really relate myself properly. Don't ask me why please. *shrugs.

But because of that misfortunate fortune, I'm going Vivo City. (: I'm heading for the donuts, I've never tried before. x)

I'll have no idea how loved i am, unless something happens. And yea, things happen, and I'm filled up with people who loves me so much they'll hug me and surround me no matter how irritated they are.
But no matter much i love you guys back, the love i have and willingness to give in to, is the one i really need the most.

sighs. I'M LATE!! shall continue when i get home. ♥ all.

Tell me what's the meaning of treating me like this, people?

This is what i get/ deserve?

Well thanks.

Maybe some of you ain't real at all.

喔!你的甜蜜打动了我的心
虽然人家说甜蜜甜蜜
只是肤浅的东西

喔!你的眼睛是闪烁的星星
是那么样的 shining shining
吸引我所有的注意

不管是内在美可靠
外在美重要
我已经不想去思考
全部都忘掉
你对我实在太糟糕
我对你却太好
如今我只能自己后悔
只能自己苦恼

喔!你的甜蜜
已伤了我的心
到现在你说对不起对不起
sorry doesn't mean anything

music...

喔!你的甜蜜打动了我的心
虽然人家说甜蜜甜蜜
只是肤浅的东西

喔!你的眼睛是闪烁的星星
是那么样的 shining shining
吸引我所有的注意

不管是内在美可靠
外在美重要
我已经不想去思考
全部都忘掉
你对我实在太糟糕
我对你却太好
如今我只能自己后悔
只能自己苦恼

喔!你的甜蜜
已伤了我的心
到现在发现你的甜蜜
是那么遥远的距离

喔!你的眼睛
已刺痛我的心
到现在你说对不起对不起
sorry doesn't mean anything
到现在你说sorry sorry
已经没有什么意义

不管是内在美可靠
外在美重要
我已经不想去思考
全部都忘掉
你对我实在太糟糕
我对你却太好
如今我只能自己后悔
只能自己苦恼

喔!你的甜蜜
已伤了我的心
到现在发现你的甜蜜
是那么遥远的距离

喔!你的眼睛
已刺痛我的心
到现在你说对不起对不起
sorry doesn't mean anything
到现在你说sorry sorry
已经没有什么意义

爱是不夜城
回忆像星辰
热泪越沸腾
我越感觉有点冷
变了心的人
越想越伤人
枯坐到清晨
阳光替房间开了灯
想
若结局一样
又何苦再想
伤
若让人成长
我为什么怕分手的伤
解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走我有自由好好过
解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦
想
像结局一样
又何苦再想
伤
若让人成长
我为什么怕分手的伤
解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走我有自由好好过
心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人再担心我
解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走我有自由好好过
解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦

that's me!

有谁能够告诉我，我要怎么做，我才会停止思念你？
又有谁能够告诉我，我应该怎么做你才会开心？
我也很想听到，你要的到底是什么。
我也很想知道你对我的爱到底有多深。
我想要知道，我的付出为什么得不到结果？
是不是我的付出不够，还是你看不到我的付出和改变？

我从来就没有对一短感情献出我的全部，从来就没有想过要为谁改变，可是我做到了。

但，好像跟本就毫无意义。

farnie sia.




* grabbed from LC. (:

how do i solve this problem i am facing. sighs.

I've been suffering from insomia day in and out. Since few days back, i've been sleeping at wee hours.. like at 5 in the morning? the very first day it happened i slept at freaking 7am. SIGHS!

and i wake up like at 2pm? just nice for work.

roars i dont like it at all. I wanna be a normal human being. I'm so lethargic whilst awake. It seems that i've never woken up at all. ):

I've thought of things to type but i'm too tired to type.

too lazy.

i'm sorrie.

after i'm done with my work, which ends tomorrow. (:

that's provided Annabelle doesnt need people next week.

Dont miss mee, love you all.

♥

credits to mee.

i do feel a tinge of guilt at the thought of myself coming back home for the sake of coming back home, and staying outta home cause i just dont wanna come home.

Do you really think i dowanna come home?

Home is the place where i grow up; i got beaten up for the slightest mistake made; i sleep; i cry alone over relationships, friendships, stress, studies, family, trivial emotional factors, etc etc; i laugh at matters or to myself (i often do that at home, to entertain myself). And many many other things i do and incidences which i may never forget.

Is where i bit my sis's stomach,according to her.
Is where my heart bled the most.
Is where i learn to write, read etc.
Is where i can open my legs and sit in the most comfortable way as i wish, with no restrictions.
Is where i knelt down the most at.
Is where i vent my anger the most at.
Is where i sleep till the sun goes down, again, and nobody will stop me.
Is where i cried my heart out when i was the only one left in the room, with an empty bed beside me.

All these possibly only WITHOUT HIM.
Is where, Is where...

All these memories/nightmares develop.

But OUTSIDE of this empty nutshell,
Is where i met my love,
Is where i learnt to cherish and love my sister,
Is where i get to know all my friends,
Is where i got picked up when i fall,
Is where i gain experiences of hardship,
Is where i see the true colours of human nature,
Is where i fall down the most,
Is where i have the most fun at,
Is where i learn to forgive and forget.

And alot more, much more than at home. And undoubtfully more enriching and heart-warming, isn't it?

What is HOME?

Presently, here, is still nothing but a Boot Camp, to me, still.
I MUST forgive him, but i cannot. I'm trying, ever trying. I still cannot bring myself to cover up that hatred and address him nicely, "Hi Dad, I'm home!"
I aldy tried by starting off with "Hi!"

He asks," Is your father's name 'Hi'?"

Then in that case, i shall not address HIM anymore. Cause i can use the word 'Hi' on any other people, feeling more at ease, rather than having the tension and fear of being reprimanded.

I may get struck by lightning when i walk out one fine day. But shouldn't he be struck before I am? I do it the way i like it. I do things according to my own preferences.

Any Tom, Dick or Harry may perceive the matter differently from me. But I'm Charmaine. This is the way i like it. I do not know how to explain specifically how and why, but just like this.

I really really wanna come home, if possible, everyday. But the thought of HIM, the thought of EVERYTHING, it just irks me.
A Boot Camp where i feel comfortable only on your own, compared to A place you can spend with your love but have to be independent to all the things.

Which one will you prefer?

i feel so lousy now. i dont remember what i did yesterday night, after 12am.

all i remember was tiger, jugs after jugs, ting falling to the ground and still laughing out loud.

Love sending me home and calling me at 419 that he's homed, safe and sound.

that's all.

i dont even remember the name of the pub we went to. royal something i think.

God, why the hell am i doing here when i'm supposed to be in bed? Boy, i wanna puke.

i just came back from the toilet, shitting. who'll shit after drinking? i'm so weird.

I'm glad i typed something in this post, whether or not i'm making much sense.

I wanna sleep, but i feel like puking. The chewing gum and medicated oil isn't making me feel any better.

Bless me.

i wanna blog. But i dunno what to blog.
Cuz i'm so bored.
i think i shouldn't blog.

i'm so bored, i've been clicking on the links on my blog, which links to all the people whom i know, whether or not their blogs are still active. lolx.

wait till my results come out in less than 15 hours later.

Good luck to me.

(:

Yesterday was a blast. thanks to my lovely and my hunkies. (:

All Of Us. (x

Cause it was too hot at VyBrance, we decided to proceed to Eski Bar. Was Fantastic. It never fails to satisfy mee. (x

I really want that St Patrick's Day's hat. hmmmpps. It looks so like Charlie Choplin. hahas. and the performance was really really great, the tap dancing and all. i just love tap dancers. They are so sexy. x)

BUT. i din know i was such a failure. Both Kai and LC suceeded in tying the stalk of the cherry with their tongues. but i once again, failed. Alrights, i may not have a flexible/long tongue, but i can KISS OK! that's for my hubby to know, For you to find out. XD

The Cherry stalk, knot tied.

Three Cheers peeps.

Was so early, ard 11, close to 12 when we finished our drinks. bleahs.

So we took pics there.

Then went to the prata shop below G2 for prata. woots, Kai nearly ordered PORK okies. bloody, annoying, i think that guy heard us alrights. lolx. and of cause, he waved his MENTOS about again. -_-

Mentos Addiction, i know what i can get for you as a gift.

Talked alot over Prata.

To all of you, "No matter what you peeps go through, never forget that i'm here." ♥

Reached home at 1 plus, darn early. But i aint feeling too good due to the mixture of alcohol and over eating. hahas, now, i feel like i had a hangover, but i do not okies.

Neways, i'm still struggling whether to do the thing i planned to do. haix. I should larhx. right?

My Greatest Love was still the best to be waiting for me downstairs to send me home. (: ♥ ♥

Wells, there're more pics, waiting for Ting to wake up to send them to mee. (:

the upset from inside out isnt getting any better. every now and then, i sob. whether within the heart, or externally from the eyes. i just cannot help it.

whenever i think about it, i really cannot control my emotions. i think my mood is swinging worse than it ever swung.

Damn you, maine.

To whom it may concern: Brace up, move on. My ears are opened wide for you. My shoulders are ever ready for you to cry on too. i still love you. ♥

As the door creaked open and close, as the wind blows to and fro the window, my suppressed heart has been forced up to the maximum. It has caused the tummy to be upset. It has lead to frequent visits to the bathroom. As i lay on my bed, typing this, the pain in the stomach/abdomen/gastric is throbbing hard, so hard and so deep i can hardly felt where the origin of the pain is.

To add on to the upset, are the cramps, which never seem to end, despite being already the third day.

Brought upon, together with the pain, are tears. Medicated oil and pills are not working on me. What's going on?

It has caused me to stay home the whole day.

and YOU. if you choose to ignore me just because the facts, which are not favourable towards you, are brought up and were in contact with you face-to-face. Then so be it. Face the wall and look back to what had happened and what you have done. Face the mirror and look at your true self. It's horrible.

My initial plans were ruined. Just by a word or two.

The resfusal to confide or approach anyone, made me take in everything myself. The possibility of learning and be stronger, will start from here.

To maintain and fulfil the promises made, i will bear in mind, those hurt that has been caused on me, so as to be ignorant and persistant.
I cannot predict what the outcome, from my decision to do all these, will be. But this is the only way, whereby i can protect myself and make myself continue to move on.

no one has any idea what i am going through. the stress that my relatives are giving me, entrusting me the responsibility to protect a person who is more than old enough to protect herself, but choose not to retaliate. i’m not complaining given the fact that she brought me to this world, as well as bringing me up to who i am today. i think this is the least i can do on my part.

Given the fact that Sister and i had said whatever that need to be said, throwing out whatever that needs to be known to them, i still suffer from this tingling feeling of anger and i dont know, disappointment? the inside is in complete mess. so messed up that they are producing those eyes-killing liquid, called tears. a waterfall of them.

pathetic.

am i just gonna slack at home like no one's business for this holidays? with a certain level of confidence, i still hafta be prepared for the worse, any supplementary paper can be possible for me. unpredictable marking results.

15th March 2007 2pm(if i'm not wrong), the doom date, to decide my fate with Genting Highlands, as well as deciding whether i hafta study, AGAIN.

damn, from now till 15th is only less than 2 weeks. If i were to find a job, and tell the person that i might be able to work for one month, but ended up deducting the last 2 weeks, cuz of sup paper/s. boo, how?

probably, it's time to earn some cash. and save them up.

i was on the cab, where the driver says that it is possible to find a part time job that only requires you to go two times a week or so, to key in datas, typing blah blah, and amounts to 6 to 7 bucks per hour. it's his son's luck to find such a good job, i've never came across such job over the papers, or the websites. darn! i shld have asked for the number or smth? hahaha, or maybe he was just entertatining me and motivating me to look for a job this holiday?

okay, JOB LOBANG ANYONE??? anyone wants me for one month? anyone wants me, not needing to work everyday in a week? and shorter working hours? so i can recover from the stress from the projects and exams? replenishing of energy. XD

i thought everything wil be okay since there is approval for her to be discharged.
it's a disaster to fall sick, sick as in seriously sick. Especially when you are so sick that the Doctor tells you a maximum duration whereby you have left.

Having said all these, the worse thing is that you are not notified of your own conditions.

It really isn't easy to accept it when you are told of "Hey! you're suffering from a disease and you may leave the world anytime." It isn't easy to start with to break the news either, cause you never know what will the person be thinking, or what the person will do.

why must tumours be developed in the body? Why must these illnesses be out there to harm and kill people?

It's so sudden, i still haven't think of the way i can cherish and treasure her.
I cried and sobbed over the news being broken to me. but later realizing that it's of no use crying.

i need support, i need a person to hold me up. i dowanna break apart. Just like that.

it's just so hard to smile and laugh with other people when my hurt is bleeding within.

Every minute, every second is crutial.

sober-reality.blogspot.com
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Leave your footprint behind, before leaving!

私奔到月球

Amyee*
AdRiAn*
BK*
EnCi*
Erica*
HuiYi*
jAnice*
Joyce*
JoyCe-LyN*
KiKo*
liAngChOu*
MiNNiE*
My Baby*
MapleSEA Moderator*
MeiQin*
SzE*
SeBastiAn*
SuiLan*
SteFaNie*
SheAu hArn*
SheaU Ee*
ting ting*
VaAni*
WeitiNg*
WiNniE SiS*
XinNi*
XiYiNg*

Perfumes On Sale!*
Self Drawn Shoes!*

attached / single
thirtyirth september nineteen eighty-seven
charm_aine@hotmail.com
lUrVeS <3 Myself More than anyone else

I want him, But I can't have him.

*do-s
`GO FER A HOLIDAY!!
`New HairCut
`go fer thai massage
`shopping at JB
`watch movie(S)
`move out of here
`EyeBrow Trimming


*get-s
`Bright Orange Adidas jacket
`TOPSHOP Undies(a yellow one?)
`Victoria's Secret's moisturiser
`A new Mp3/Mp4
`Party Bra
`A few tops
`Upgrade my Laptop
`'a Solution' Toner
`Milk Mask
`Milky Foundation (NO-02) (:
`Concealer


*achieve-s
`find doggie back to me
`to look for a job that pays well
`wanna bee rich
`Get My Car License
`wanna bee truly lurved♥
`wanna forget unhappiness (:
`be happy

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