Tuesday, November 14, 2006 ; 7:09 PMY
I really wish you were here.
i've been badly affected by the situation. but i wont show it. cuz i cant show it. that matter is making my day lousy. i wasnt really paying attention in class. i've never known and realized that i will be affected. i din know that i will be, i thought i wont. but i was. haix. but what can i do?
the love wasnt deep. and you werent happy with it. i broke off all the obstructions which made my love fer you stop. i threw away many many things and allow myself to love you and then indulge myself wholeheartedly to you. this is when i thought you wont hurt me. cuz only when there is love, there will be pain. i thought you will not lemme feel abit of pain. but i guess i'm wrong. you hurt me despite anything. you distrust me. i tried to provide you with a sense of security. but we still fail terribly.
this is what i fear, upon falling in love all over again. the fear is here. my phobia had been right. the phobia is getting stronger than before. the tears are falling down uncontrollably. you are walking away continously. i am backing out slowly.
Philophobia within me is growing stronger and stronger. i think i may just explode any moment.
i dowanna lose him or be alone. neither do i want this phobia to accelerate. what am i suppose to do?
