Saturday, September 02, 2006 ; 2:27 PMY
I really wish you were here.
new blog. to dump all the rubbish which cannot be said PUBLICALLY.
i am damn fucking fucking angry. i dunno why i am angry. i dont really know who i am angry with too.
i'm gonna say all the real things now. yes, i admit. i do have feelings for him. but it's not that kinda feelings of love as in L.O.V.E. i think it's a basic need of every gurl bahx. a guy to care for you? yupp. but i truly dunno what he wants.
lemme state what happened.
he phone me yesterday. when i WAS STUDYING again. AGAIN.
AGAIN!! then he asked me to change my blog's address. i was so damn pissed larhx. it's cuz of my post. i said something abt meeting someone tmr (which is today). it's all fake lar. i admit. it's all talking abt him. so? i'm just trying to cover up with a "meeting him tmr". i adi tried my best to hide my feelings for him. and what i say is affecting LYNN so much. what can i do? they are my exact feelings what. if she cannot take it, then DONT READ MY BLOG. see now, thanks to you. i have to crap all these openly, but discreetly. THANKS HAR! then i was pissed, so i hung up after a "whatever!"
hours later, he called agn. and tried to make me laugh. asked me not to be angry.
HE MADE ME ANGRY AND THEN ASKED ME NOT TO BE ANGRY. WTF YOU WANT LAR.nvm, i promised i'll be friends with you no matter what. so i chatted with him. pei him talk. NEVERMIND. talked till 2am plus. i really cldnt take it. so i went to bed. God knows what he did and where he went, i dont really care too. then he called me agn at 6 plus. GODAMMIT. and say he wanna send my untaken clothes to me. and wanna buy breakfast fer me. i was DAMN SLEEPY K. deprived me of my sleep from 11 plus to 2 plus am. still not enuff. then i heard him boarding bus and all. i dont really care larhx. asked whether he was going to look for lynn. but he said HE WILL NEVER FIND HER. =.= she's your gf, isnt it?
and he purposely made me worried for him. saying things like. i dunno where i'm going. walking ard lorhx. see what bus i can take lors. this and that. URGGGHHXXX. dont get the wrong idea kies. i will care for you even if we had no past at all. i will care for my any other frens if this were to happen to them.
then 7 plus. another call. there comes the breakfast at my doorstep. and the only milk which i am not allergic to. 2 bottles of them. for a small me. and my clothes. rahhs.
how am i suppose to react? then he waited for me to take train tgt. but too bad, i dont take the train to sch. then chris called me.. and offered to fetch me to sch!! wooohooo!!!~~ i din love the wrong person XD
then acc him to wait for his bus home. then i left to wait for chris. keke. CHRIS!! YOU ARE DRIVING SO FAST. I COULDNT EVEN STUDY IN PEACE!!
and we reached sch damn early larhx. then call from baobei. saying to leave each other alone for some time. cuz LYNN IS VERY SENSITIVE TO THE CALLS WE MAKE TO EACH OTHER. hellosS???? the calls i made to him are things i wanna tell him lor. its him who calls me. what you expect from me? ignore his calls? OK FINE. i'm sick and tired of all these. THESE NONSENSE made me cannot concentrate well on my exams. and if i were to take any sup paper for this examinations, i will blame it all on THE BOTH OF YOU. i'm pushing all blames away for a moment. cuz i really HAD ENOUGH.
i will ignore. ignore. i hate it. but i hafta do it. i will cry for the loss of a friendship bonded. but what else can i do? i cannot salvage it anymore. All the best to you. God bless.
and BC. i finished v early lorhx. then hung ard with YY. then chris came. then joyce came. then BK came. then went to join them at the genting highlands. then talk talk talk. then saw EE. she's so damn stressed up i can see larhx. poor thing. that will be me in one year's time man. SOBS.
then acc stef to wait for her mum. then went home. then he CANNOT STOP CALLING ME. and i CANNOT STOP IGNORING. do you noe how much it hurts to be ignoring your calls? but this is what you want, isnt it?
and you came to tell me all these. why are you always contradicting your own words?
ALAN:things has happened to us very fast and finish it very fast
ALAN: route has been chosen by mi and i know i wont regret it and i cant regret it oso
ALAN: i just wanna see u happy and i will be at ease lerz.
ALAN: u always act very cheerful infront of everyone..
ALAN: but u cant bluff my eyes and heart
ALAN: since i m the one who casue u in this state, then i shall not make it worst lerz..
ALAN: all the best for ur future and take care of urself..
ALAN: anything call harnz when u sad or wad..
ALAN: she can handle it..
ALAN: i really hate to see u acting cheerful infront of mi when u are not
ALAN: suan lerz maine... wadever i say now is no longer that strong anymore..
ALAN: treat that wo men shi you yuan wu fen bahz..
ALAN: zai jian...
ME: what is it you want from me.
ALAN: nothing anymore.
ALAN: forever nothing anymore.
ME: FINE
ME: i just want you to know. i am not ACTING cheerful. i dont have any reason to do that. cuz i am REALLY happy. you want me to stay away from you cuz lynn is being v sensitive. and here i am trying to get away from you the best that i can. there you are, trying to say that it's like the end of everything. what are you trying to do?
i am damn fucked up now. i will marry whoever who will lemme vent my anger on you.
